THE BRIGHT SIDE OF ECONOMIC COLLAPSE

Conventional wisdom holds that bad economic times are also bad for life expectancy as less people can afford proper medical attention and more people succumb to depression and suicide. But the latest research has found that the opposite is true: the health of a population improves slightly when the economy tanks. According to the latest number crunching by Professor Christopher Ruhm of the University of North Carolina, death rates consistently decline during recessions and rise during the boom times. Ruhm found that for every one percent rise in unemployment the death rate falls by about half a percent. Other research has found similar trends during economic downturns in 23 countries between 1960 and 1997. The exact reasons for this are not clear but researchers suspect that during the lean years people tend to spend less money on fattening foods, alcohol and tobacco, while the fear of getting fired might help heavy drinkers stay sober. Deaths from car accidents also drop during higher unemployment simply because less people are commuting to work, industrial accidents drop because less people are working, and even infant deaths drop, presumably because a less industrial output causes a decrease in air pollution. (Oregon Live)

AS LONG AS IT GETS ME DRUNK

A six-year long, $12 million study of New Zealand’s wines had discovered that one of the core aromas of their most popular wines is the smell of cat pee. "We're talking about parts per billion, very tiny amounts to make the wine more complex and interesting,'' explained so-called wine connoisseur Sue Blackmore. “If you had a whole lot of the compounds that give you cat’s pee it obviously wouldn’t be great but it’s amazing what a little can do.’’ (News.com.au)

WHAT’S UNUSUAL ABOUT PARASITIC RELATIVES?

A 30-year-old plumber in England gave birth to his twin last week -- sort of, not really -- when a lumpy growth forced its way out of his abdomen like some kind of hideous alien. Doctors later confirmed that the lump was the leftovers of an embryonic parasitic twin that was absorbed into the man’s body at birth and stayed in his stomach for 30 years before making its dramatic exit. “I feel absolutely fine now but it has not sunk in yet that I could have had a twin brother,” said Gavin Hyatt. “I have him in a jar at home and I call him little Gav. I haven’t told many people. I feel like a bit of a freak.” (The Sun)

AND HAVING NO PENIS AT ALL INDICATES THAT YOU ARE, IN FACT, A WOMAN

You’ve definitely heard of palm reading to reveal your future, and you may have heard of face reading, but I’ll bet you haven’t heard of the ancient art of phallomancy, the divination technique which unveils your personality by analyzing your penis. Whether your flaccid penis is short, long, thick, thin, smooth, bumpy or curved will all tell the penis-reader about you. For example, a long penis indicates an extroverted and inventive lover, while the owner of a short penis always delivers on his promises. Thickness reveals strong imagination, bumps on the penis make a man challenging and unpredictable, and a sharp bend in the penis reveals a lecherous personality. Other tell-tale signs include whether the penis has a pointed, blunt, or wide tip (wide tips indicate strong sex drive) and whether there are any moles on the penis (a prediction of many children). Finally, even the amount of pubic hair reveals something about your personality, with a heavy bush indicating a strong, competitive demeanor.

CURIOUS HEADLINE OF THE WEEK

As seen in Australia’s Herald Sun: “Troops claim supernatural powers after pygmy sodomy.” Read the full story -- if you must, freak -- at News.com.au/heraldsun.

WHAT’S IN A NAME?

National Geographic has created a cool interactive map of America which lists all of the place names derived from Native American words. While most refer to the various qualities of a place’s natural surroundings, a bunch of names suggest more amusing origins such as “ At the skunk place,” “Good place to dig potatoes,” “The place where dung is found,” “Pregnant Women,” “They are killers,” “Person of dirty water,” “He who misses jackrabbits when shooting them,” “The worthless people” and “Let’s have intercourse” which apparently was the original name of Loleta, California.