THE END IS HERE

Well, it’s been a great run but after 10 years of Curious Times the market has spoken and it’s time to put this column down in a humane manner.

If you’re interested in being kept up-to-date with any of my projects in the future you can still sign up for updates over there in the right-hand column.

And if you're itching for more dumb humour check out a website I have been writing for called BrilliantOrStupid.com

Adios!

JUST SWEEP THOSE DESERTS UNDER A RUG OR SOMETHING

While some mad scientists work on the idea of surrounding the Earth with a million mirrors to combat global warming others are planning to build a giant wall around the Saraha desert in order to stop the desertification of Africa. The 6,000 km long barrier would be created by flooding sand dunes with bacteria which cause them to turn into sandstone in order to stop the shifting dunes and prevent the desert from further encroaching on currently habitable land. A similar plan called “The Green Wall of China” has proposed to stop the growth of the Gobi Desert in northwestern China. (BBC)

HOW TO GET AHEAD IN BUSINESS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING

Australian research has discovered the same fact previously found in Britain and America -- that tall men earn more money than their shorter colleagues. The study of 7,000 workers found that two extra inches of height is equal to about $1000 per year in extra salary. The results were far less dramatic for women who need about four extra inches of height in order to grab a similar increase in pay. This latest study also found that obese people no longer earn less than their skinnier collegues (at least in Australia) but the researchers explained that this is probably simply because so many people are now overweight. (The Telegraph)

WHAT WOULD JESUS SMOKE?

An article in High Times magazine called “Was Jesus a Stoner?” argues that Jesus Christ may have used a cannabis-based anointing oil in order to help cure people of such ailments as skin diseases, eye problems, menstrual problems and even epilepsy. Author Chris Bennet says that his conclusions are based on scriptual texts and claims that the medical use of cannabis during the time of Christ is supported by archaeological records. “The holy anointing oil, as described in the original Hebrew version of the recipe in Exodus, contained over six pounds of keneh-bosum - a substance identified by respected etymology, linguists anthropologists, botanists and other researchers as cannabis extracted into about six quarts of olive oil along with a variety of other fragrant herbs,” claims Bennet. Researchers believe that the keneh-bosom extract, which is absorbed into the body when placed on the skin, could have helped cure people of a variety of physical and mental problems.

“I’M ONLY HERE BECAUSE MY WELFARE WORKER FORCED ME TO GET AN INTERVIEW”

Still looking for work? Take the advice of CNN which asked managers across the continent to send in the stupidest things people have said during job interviews. Try to avoid some of these phrases the next time you’re trying to get hired: “I would be a great asset to the events team because I party all the time”; “I get angry easily and I went to jail for domestic violence. But I won’t get mad at you”; “If I get an offer, how long do I have before I have to take the drug test?”; “Cigarettes are getting more expensive, so I need another job”; “I’ve never heard such a stupid question.”

IT’S ALL FUN & GAMES UNTIL THE MEDIA GETS HYSTERICAL

How did we ever survive our childhoods? Two separate news items this week warn not to let your children play at the beach or in their bathtubs. The first comes from a study by the University of North Carolina which spent $63,000 of taxpayer money to discover that kids who dig in the sand at the beach are 13 percent more likely to get a stomach ailment and 20 percent more likely to get diarrhea than kids who are forced to sit quietly under a beach umbrella wearing their bicycle helmets (okay, I made that last part up). Meanwhile, the journal Pediatrics published data which found that 120 children are injured every day while playing in the shower or bathtub. Which is fine because they won’t need baths anymore if they never go outside and play. (SignOnDanDiego.com / Wbaltv.com)

WAIT TILL COLLEGE TO BECOME A USELESS DRUNK

While Britain tries to get their kids to enjoy sex, Italy is trying to get their kids to stop enjoying alcohol. After centuries of teaching their children to drink wine with every meal the city of Milan, Italy is trying to enforce a ban on the sale and consumption of alcohol to anyone under the age of 16. The new laws come into effect after a study showed that a third of 11-year-olds in Milan have alcohol related problems. From now on anyone caught serving a teenager alcohol faces a fine of up to $700. (BBC)

WHERE ARE ALL THE RICH ESKIMOS?

New research claims that it’s not a coincidence that countries in hot climates tend to lag behind in economic productivity. The study from MIT found that any year which had an increase in average temperatures of one degree would also find a 1.1 percent drop in per-capita gross domestic product. Put simply, if it’s really damn hot it’s likely you won’t work as hard. (NPR.org)

“FEED ME YOU IDIOT”

Japanese toymaker Takara Tomy has released an updated version of their “Bow-lingual” gadget which can translate your dog’s barking noises for you. The new toy is a talking version of the old standard which claimed to be able to analyze six doggy emotions including joy, sadness and frustration. If you have another $200 to waste the new toy will speak phrases such as “I’m annoyed” or “play with me” at you. (Breitbart.com)

HOW TO RUIN YOUR VACATION

And from the “Tell Us Something We Don’t Already Know” department comes a study from the San Diego School of Medicine which warns men that having unprotected sex with hookers in Tijuana will greatly increase your chances of contracting a sexually transmitted disease. You might want to get that fact tattooed on your dick because it’ll be hard to remember after your sixth shot of tequila. (Labspaces.net)