LAND OF THE FREE, HOME OF THE FAT

With a plan stolen directly from Homer Simpson, 22-year-old Adam Ballard of Missouri is trying to gain enough weight to force the army to discharge him for exceeding their body-fat maximum limits. Ballard foolishly joined the army two years ago in order to get, he says, “a big pile of money.” After figuring out that joining a war is an easy way to get yourself killed, Ballard decided to get kicked out by turning his body into a tub of lard. “Some days, I’ll totally pig out on things like pasta, or maybe I’ll go to a restaurant... I basically eat what I can to get full and then just go to sleep.” (Columbia Missourian)