GOING FOR THE GOLD MEDAL IN BORING

It’s a sad time in history for fans of the butchered English language in exotic lands. The Chinese government has set up the “Beijing Speaks Foreign Languages Program” -- an army of thousands of city workers and volunteers whose mission is to rid their city of every hilarious English street sign, tourist exhibit, and menu description in time for next summer’s Olympic games. The word police has already replaced 6,530 traffic signs and is now focussing its attention on restaurants which serve “fried crap,” “cow bowel in sauce,” “corrugated iron beef,” and “acid food.” They also hope to translate unintentionally offensive signs such as the label “Deformed Man” hanging outside of a toilet stall for the handicapped, and a venue dedicated to ethnic minorities called “Rascist Park.” Unfortunately the white-washing will also rid Beijing of some sweet Chinglish poetry, such as a sign on a park lawn which reads “Show Mercy to the Slender Grass.” By the way, you can get your fill of this genre of cheap laughs at Chinglish.de and Engrish.com. (Wall Street Journal)