PLUS THEY’LL HELP YOU LAND YOUR FIRST JOB

News out of Italy claims that boob jobs are now the number one graduation gift for teenage girls, easily beating out the old classics such as a new car or a free vacation. "It's a much more useful present than something like a car, which will break down after a few years, or a holiday, which is over within a week,” said one vacuous 18-year-old. “My new breasts will last a lifetime." (Pravda)