WHAT’S NEXT? UNIONIZED ELVES?

Another blow against Santa Claus, who gets a little bit less jolly with each passing year. First they banned his pipe because smoking is “bad.” Then they stopped letting kids sit on his lap for fear of molestation charges. He’s not allowed to say “Ho Ho Ho” anym ore because that’s offensive to women, and now America’s top doctor has launched a crusade to put Santa Claus on a diet because he’s setting a bad example to children. “It is really important that the people who kids look up to as role models are in good shape, eating well and getting exercise,” said acting U.S. Surgeon General Rear Adm. Steven K. Galson. Surprisingly, even the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas has agreed with the Surgeon General, asking its 800 members to lose weight in order to set a better example to children. (Boston Herald)