NOT ALL MAD SCIENTISTS ARE EVIL, PART 1

According to the Mainichi Daily News, a Japanese scientist has developed what he calls "The Masturbation Diet" -- a diet which is exactly what it sounds like. "Five minutes of vigorous masturbation can consume 300 calories, which is the equivalent of sprinting 300 meters," says Dr. Shukan Tokuho, adding that the experience can be so refreshing that it can replace a light meal thereby saving even more calories. For even more benefit Dr. Tokuho recommends sitting in a chair with your heels raised about 10 centimeters off the floor in order to put tension on the stomach muscles. He claims that this style of masturbation done twice a day for a month can trim about eight centimeters off a man's waist. The good doctor summed up his revolutionary diet with the phrase "shake for breakfast, shake for lunch, and a sensible dinner."